Day 45

A prayer that stays in the closet dies in the closet. Eventually we have to get up off our knees, come down from the mountain, climb out of the closet and direct our thoughts and prayers towards Life.

Jesus did this all the time.

There’s this great story of Jesus, Peter, John and James taking a break from everyday life and retreating into the solitude of Mount Olive.

While up there, they had a deeply spiritual and mysterious moment with God. It was one of those Life-validating moments we all long for when we pray. God saying out loud that he is especially proud of Jesus.

If I had a closet-connection like that, I’ll convert my closet into a little shrine and God knows I’ll never come out. Peter suggested something similar; he wanted the moment to last for generations to come.

His plan was to build three huts.

What on earth?

I guess it is suppose to be a metaphor for the new religion Peter thought Jesus would begin.

But Jesus did not fall for it, because he wasn’t the religious type.

Religion turns prayer into the end of the journey, a destination of some sort.

Jesus calls us down from the mountain back into life again, because whatever happens in the closet must come to life among the living.

If not, all we’ll have to show for our effort to pray are three empty huts.

Day 43

To go into the closet is a lonely activity. There is usually just enough space for one person. You are bound to hear your own breathing, feel the itchiness of your own skin, hear the sounds your stomach makes when all is quiet and still, face yourself, confront your demons and end up with nothing but the emptiness of the God-shaped gap inside your soul.

Most of the time we do our best to avoid situations like this.

Cause loneliness is never nice.

That’s why the radio is on the whole day; the TV entertains even when no one’s around and our lives are filled to the brim with appointments, meetings, tasks, images, ideas, sounds, voices and words.

But deep, honest, life changing prayer needs silence.

To pray is to be utterly quiet and to do that we need to move from our fear of being lonely towards a state of being where we can embrace our lonely selves.

The word is solitude.

The Old Monks understood this; the Ancient Desert Fathers lived it and the Old Prophets like John and Jesus perfected it into an art form.

In the stories told by the friends of Jesus, we encounter a man who’s not afraid of being lonely.

Before or after every big event or task, he retreats into the wilderness. One time he even stayed there for 40 days, confronted by his Shadow, challenged by his Temptations, weakened by his Humanness and in the end cared for by the Angels of the Living One.

In the closet you learn to reserve the God-shaped gap for God, even if it stays empty for a long time. It’s that place in your life where solitude takes the place of loneliness, a sacred space where
Fear can grow into Love.

According to a priest called Henry Nouwen, a storyteller called Matthew and a Prophet called Jesus, this is the first baby step towards a life of prayer:

Learning to love yourself.

So here is the challenge:

Find your closet. Go there often. Become utterly quite. Don’t talk. Don’t pray. Just listen.

Day 42

Jesus and his friends were having a discussion on prayer.

“The next time you try to pray, go into your closet.” Jesus told the rest.

“Go into your closet” I guess was Jerusalem slang for taking a time out. To go into your closet means to break away from the mundane, to escape your daily routine, to chill out on your own.
Your closet is your safe space, the place (physical or emotional) where you feel completely at ease. It can be anything: A favourite sofa in a sunny corner of the house, the back porch, underneath the big tree next to the compost heap, in the garage, knee deep in a trout river, a coffee spot close to work, the sauna of the gym or even the closet in the guestroom.

Mine is the kitchen. This is where I write, think, create, eat and love. From now on I’ll try to pray here as well.

But if you think of it, if prayer is the soul’s yearning to be in conversation with God, then to do this we need to slow down, we need to stop the craziness of life and retreat to our safe spaces.

There’s this great story of an ancient prophet who felt all the stress of being the voice of God in everyday life. In a cave, close to burn out, God spoke to him. Here's what happened according to an ancient story guru:

“A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.” 1 Kings 19

When I am honest about my struggle with prayer I need to confess that I’ve been waiting for the winds, earthquakes and fires of life to be the voices of God in my own life. On yesterdays post, Harold made a comment about expectations and prayer. He hit the nail right on the head. I was expecting a voice that can shout over and above the loudness of (my) life.

But then God comes and speaks with a gentle and quite whisper.

No wonder I need to go into the closet.